Almost two decades ago, I passed through a toll booth on the San Francisco Bay Bridge. I held out my money to a toll taker, and in return he beamed at me, his smile radiant and his eyes kind. With the buoyant warmth of a parent talking to their beloved child, he asked, “How are […]
What Would You Change in Your Life Today if You Trusted Your Needs Would Still Be Met?
I don’t know about you, but when I was younger, I accomplished a lot in my life through force, “willpower,” punishments and rewards, and deadlines (emphasis on the “dead” part, which is how I often felt at the finish line of projects and degrees). I’d been conditioned to think that coercion, from myself or others, […]
Making Nourishing, Accomplishable New Year’s Resolutions Free of Self-Domination, Defeatism, and “Shoulds”
Every year, an estimated 40 percent of Americans make New Year’s resolutions, but one study suggests that only 12 percent actually accomplish their goals. Why do so many of us start each new year with resolutions, only to drop them once the hope of a fresh start diminishes? The cultural message about our unsuccessful attempts […]
Releasing Shoulds and Choosing Joy: A Restorative Approach to the Holidays
Six years ago, my grandmother died a week and a half before Christmas. While she was ninety-one and physically incapacitated by ill health, her death was a huge visceral shock to my system. She’d helped raise me from the time I was four, and while our relationship had not been without its pain and complications, […]
From Procrastination to Collaboration: Resolving Inner Conflict By Making Time for All of Your Needs
Why do we do one thing when we’re trying to accomplish another? Our predominant cultural message is that procrastination is personal weakness, lack of willpower, or some other personality flaw that must be overcome—an assessment that more often leads to self-recrimination than any satisfying resolution of the problem. That’s because procrastination isn’t a flaw, it’s […]